Dear journal, it's certainly been one of those days you will never forget. We all got to the old whare just before seven this rather misty morning and got the fire going to have a brew. We were swapping stories about our great shots at last nights pub pool and darts competition while the boss is still prattling on about that darned neat little bench saw.
Anyway about seven thirty the boss fired up the jigger and we all clambered on board with Hone sitting behind on bolster of the trolley. It was a bit eerie puttering through the mist but when we got to the lagoon things got real interesting.
We were near the middle of the trestle when Hone yelled out to stop as he pointed to something in the water. There was a series of what looked like sharks fins sticking out of the water but they were metal coloured and then we saw the eyes glowing under the water. Hone exclaimed that it was taniwha, the rest of us had no idea. It was the strangest thing, it like it was it was staring at us and then there was the noise like the beat of a slow steam engine.
We didn't know what to do then Hone jumped off the trolley and started doing a haka with his axe in one hand. As if that wasn't scary enough the whole trestle, which is not strong at the best of times, was shaking like mad as Hone stamped his foot onto the sleeper. The boss yelled out for him to stop but he kept going until finally he flung his axe at the taniwha. When it struck there was the strangest sound, like hitting a hollow cardboard box.
That had an immediate reaction from the taniwha. The noise increased ,and steam and air bubbles flew everywhere and the thing rose out of the water. It was the strangest looking thing you have ever seen but it was definitely a submarine straight out of a Jules Vern book. We then realised Hone’s axe was actually embedded in the side of the thing.
The boss sent John to call 111 and get the police as submarines are not allowed in the lagoon. John made his way back along the trestle rather slowly as he stepped from sleeper to sleeper but eventually he made it to the end and climbed the big tree on the right as it’s the only way to get cell phone coverage in the forest. Eventually John called out that he had the Police Emergency Centre in Christchurch on the line but they didn’t have the No Name Silver Pine company on their database nor the location of our tramway. We couldn’t help as we don’t gnow where it is either.
Eventually the boss suggested they call the local cop as he gnows were we are. Anyway a few minutes later he rings and John explained he sounded rather grumpy as he was down the beach fishing, typical. After listening for a while Jon scrambled down the tree and rejoined us. He explained the emergency centre had called the Navy, Army and Air Force but they were all on Christmas leave so couldn’t help. Fred from DOC (Department of Conservation) was coming, as the lagoon was DOC property, along with the local Whale Rescue rep as he was convinced it was a beached whale not a submarine.
Then there was that hollow cardboard sound again. We all spun around to see a hatch opening and a series of pirates appearing. They were the strangest bunch of characters finished in low sheen paint. The Captain called out ‘Who is challenging me’. Hone stepped forward, nearly falling into the water in the process and replied ‘I am’. Suddenly all the anger washed from the faces of the pirates and the captain invited Hone aboard. We were all confused until the boss noticed that Hone was wearing his old black Pirates Rugby Club rugby jersey with the skull and cross bones emblem on the front which the pirates apparently recognised. So Hone jumped down onto the submarine and pulled his axe out of the side.
After a short conversation, which Hone still won’t tell us about, the pirates clambered back into the submarine, the hatch closed and with a several toots on the steam whistle it backed off and chugged into the mist.
As I said it been quite a challenging day but Gnow we all have a gnew appreciation of the versatility of cardboard.
P.S. When the cop arrived with Fred from DOC, the local Whale Rescue rep and Miss Smith, the school teacher, Chairperson of the Literary Society (and a Captain Nemo fan) and founder member of the West Coast Origami Club, they didn’t believe a word of our story. Actually I don’t either
Yes its a nice quiet holiday with not much to do